Those Manly Things
by S. C. Hardy
Summary: Ron's boys are about to enter their fourth year at Hogwarts, and Hermione decides it's time for him to give them THE TALK. PG-13 for adult conversations.


Weasley's the Name- Those Manly Things

Summer Before Fourth Year

"Are you _sure_ I need to do this?" Ron Weasley asked, plopping onto his couch and burying his face into his wife's shoulder. 

They sat in the living room of their two-story house, Hermione looking very relaxed in a blue spring dress and Ron looking very tense in his shorts and Chudley Cannons shirt. She patted his head somewhat sympathetically, a loving blush on her cheeks.

"Do youremember what happened in _our_ fourth year?" she asked, a sly grin sliding onto her face. Ron nodded into her, keeping his mouth hidden. Hermione held in a giggle and stared affectionately at his red hair. "And our boys are older than we were, do you want the same thing happening to them?" 

"_No_," his muffled voice said, sounding defeated. 

Hermione smiled and kissed the top of his head, recalling all the events of their fourth year quite well. With a happy sigh, she gave his shoulder a push. "Go on! They're in Anthony's room, I told them to meet you there." 

Ron sat up and groaned, putting his face in his hands.

"They're going to think they're in _trouble_," he whined, slamming his hands to the couch and pushing himself away. 

Hermione giggled slightly as he left the room, looking back at her book with a knowing smile. Her hair was piled onto the top of her head, but a curl fell loose, and she pushed it behind her ear as she began to read again.  

"They _are _in trouble." 

~~~

"_What did you do_?" Anthony Weasley hissed, grabbing his brother's arm and pulling him to sit on the bed beside him. He was jittering nervously on his bed in his abnormally neat room, because his mother had_ sent him to his room_. She had _never _done that. 

The more studious twin was dressed casually, his straight hair falling limply into his eyes and his heart beating at an extremely high velocity. He was using his amazing memory to recall any occurrences his mother might have discovered, but he was disappointed when he couldn't remember anything. 

Jacob fiercely pulled his arm out of his twin's grasp and punched Anthony in the shoulder, his strong arm delivering a huge shock of pain. He snarled at the owner of the room and stood up, to pace in front of the bed.

His unruly curls had been shaved off the moment he made the Quidditch team in his second year. Why? "For aero-dynamic purposes…" he tried to explain to his mother when she had shrieked. He had been slowly growing them back, because he found out that the girls liked his hair longer (and because of his mother, though he didn't like to admit it).

"_I _didn't do anything! I've been good all summer I _swear_!" he snarled, crossing his arms. "I'd be _anything _Emily planted something on us, I'm going to _kill _her!" 

There was a soft knock on the door, and the twins both froze, their eyes staring at the turning knob. Anthony was a sickly green while Jacob's face was red and scrunched up like he had eaten one of Hagrid's biscuits. 

Ron stuck his head into the room, smiling cheekily and looking just as sick as Anthony felt. He came in scratching the back of his head, his ears a bright red.

"Erm…Jake, sit down?" he said with somewhat of a strained voice. The curly-haired twin remained frozen for a few seconds while he examined his father with curious eyes, but then he stiffly sat down next to Anthony, making sure to brush him roughly in the shoulder.

Their father stood in front of them, the almost identical boys staring up at him with wide, nervous eyes. Ron blew up his cheeks with a contained groan, and pulled the chair from Anthony's desk, sitting on it backwards.

"We have to talk."

"_We didn't do_ _anything_!" 

Ron tilted his head at the boys, remembering when his twin brothers would speak at the same time with the same innocent faces, and then he let out a soft chuckle,

"No…you're _not_ in trouble, though what _guilty _consciences you guys have…I'll have to talk to Professor Potter about you!" He watched as both of the twins faltered slightly at the comment, each looking less confident. 

"So…" Jacob finally broke the silence, crossing his arms again. "What _do_ we have to talk about?" 

"School?" Anthony said hopefully, his eyes oddly bright. "Our O.W.L.s are in fifth year though, aren't they?" 

"I'm not here to talk about school or yell or anything you're probably thinking," Ron said with a sigh, grabbing onto the bridge of his nose. "We have to talk about…girls." 

He watched as both twins formed the same look of confusion on their faces, watching their father carefully. 

"_Girls_?" Jacob asked, rolling his eyes. "What's there to know?"

Ron stole a glance at Anthony and saw that a look of realization had come across his face. When he saw his father looking at him, the straight-haired twin blushed furiously and looked down at his hands. 

"Well…" Ron began, running a hand through his hair. "There's plenty to know, actually." 

"Like?" Jacob said quickly, not understanding like his twin. _Why does he have to make this so difficult?_ Ron thought.

"Like about the…_feelings_ you get when you're around girls," the father blurted, biting his tongue.

He watched as Jacob's eyes widened slightly, and then he blushed as well, but didn't look away. Anthony was now a deep shade of crimson, and had found a thread in his jeans very interesting. 

"We need to talk about…the _important _things…" Ron continued, watching both of their faces carefully, not wanting to rush into anything major. "Things that you might think about, and have questions about, things like…er…"

"Sex?" 

Anthony choked loudly and Ron's mouth fell open as he stared at Jacob with eyes as wide as Quaffles. The curly-haired twin seemed to be forcing a smile away as he continued the eye contact with his father. With a stretch of his neck, Ron nodded curtly,

"Yes, sex _is_ one of those things, but there's plenty of other things that go along with girls." 

"Like _talking_, oy, some of the girls in our year _won't shut up_!" Jacob complained, pulling a leg under him. Ron laughed and nodded,  

"Yeah, if you learn to listen, they usually tolerate you more," he commented, knowing Hermione would be proud.

"And figuring out _why_ they do the things they do," Jacob continued. "Like why they get so stupid over fuzzy things and won't play Quidditch! _My_ wife is going to _love _to play Quidditch, or I won't be able to live with her!"

"That the only thing you want from a girl?" Ron asked, trying to find a more comfortable position on the chair. 

Jacob shrugged, looking as if he really didn't want to think about a girlfriend, or heavens forbid a _wife_. It was Anthony who answered his father's question.

"No," he began, looking up for the first time. "She needs to be smart…and nice to other people. With a sense of humor too, like…she'd be able to take a little teasing."

A smile grew on Ron's face as he watched Anthony grow a bit of confidence, sitting up straighter and turning slightly towards Jacob. The curly-haired twin nodded, grinning towards his father.

"And she'll have to be able to deal with the Weasley temper, right Dad?" This made Ron laugh loudly, and he nodded, enjoying this more than he thought he would. 

"_And_ with our family," Anthony added, nodding somewhat excitedly. "Dad, when did _you_ know Mum was the one?" 

The eldest redhead blushed slightly as his boys turned to him with interested eyes. He had never thought that they would ever be _interested_ in his love life, especially since his love life involved, well, their parents. 

"Erm, that's kind of hard to say."

"What?" Jacob asked, raising an eyebrow. "One day you just decided that you were going to marry her and that was it?" 

"No, no!" Ron laughed, leaning his elbows on the top of the back of the chair. "It's just hard to pick the _exact_ moment."

"_She_ knew from your first year," Anthony said knowingly as Jacob held back a snicker. Ron's face took on an interested look and he smiled slightly. 

"_Did_ she? Well, she _is _the cleverest witch I know." His face scrunched as he began to find an answer for the boys' question. "I guess I'll have to say…well, the first time I _thought_ of her as more than a friend was in second year, when she was petrified."

"_Why_?" Jacob asked, crossing his legs underneath himself. "You couldn't _talk_ to her then."

"_Ex_actly," Ron answered with a smile. "I…I realized how much I needed her around, even if she _was_ a bossy little know-it-all." 

"But when did you _know_?" Anthony asked eagerly, and Ron was starting to think he had a certain blonde Gryffindor on his mind. He'd have to have a more private conversation with Anthony later on. 

The father looked up to the ceiling, his mouth pursed in concentration, and finally, he smiled widely, looking back at the boys. 

"Fourth year," Ron said with confidence. "When I was ready to use _all three_ Unforgivables on this bloody Bulgarian Quidditch player _just_ because he touched her—no, _talked_ to her—wait, when he _looked_ at her. _That's_ when I knew I wanted to be with her forever."       

The twins stared at their father with something that looked like pride, and Ron couldn't help but blush as he remembered how jealous he was of Victor, who, Hermione had never _truly_ liked.

"What was his name?" Jacob asked, leaning back on his hands.

"Victor Krum."

"_VICTOR KRUM?_" the curly-haired twin yelled, throwing his hands up in surprise, but then falling onto his back because he couldn't balance himself. "Mum could've married _the_ Victor Krum?"

Both Ron and Anthony had to glare at Jacob for a good two minutes before he realized what he had said. He blushed, and smiled nervously. 

"Of course," he croaked, squirming. "She made the _best_ choice."

"I thought you'd say that," Ron said in a monotone voice, then breaking into a smile. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "We're not really getting anywhere…Do you…_have_ any questions? Like…I'm going to regret this, but…do you _know _where babies come from?" 

The twins looked up at him for a moment, and then, they burst out laughing, trying to hold it in with very little effort. Anthony's smile was broad and he nodded as he continued to chuckle, but after that, Jacob was far too hysterical to actually speak, and he actually fell to his knees on the floor, holding his stomach.

"So I'm guessing that you _do_ know?" Ron said with a roll of his eyes, slightly perturbed that Jacob was reacting this way. 

"Y-yeah," Anthony said as he finished laughing, giving his brother a swift kick in the arm to make him stop. Jacob not only stopped, he grabbed his brother's foot and pulled him down to the floor with him, making a large _thud_. 

Anthony glared at his twin as if he was going to curse him until the Cannons win the championship, but Ron coughed, bringing their attention back to him.

"Come on guys, _any_ questions?" 

"Oh, fine," Jacob grumbled as he rubbed his shoulder. "As long as we don't get tested on these later…"  

And they _did_ ask questions, when would they be allowed to date ("Sixth Year"), how you stop…_you know_ from showing ("You don't, sorry."), where do you put your hands when you're kissing ("Where ever she wants them to be."), and the one that made Ron turn crimson:

"How do you know when you're…_ready_ for…_you know_…" Anthony mumbled, his leg jumping wildly. 

The past hour of questions had given the three a shared feeling of comfort, but Ron hadn't expected _this _question to be asked, especially from Anthony who couldn't mention _kissing _without blushing. Jacob turned to his twin with wide eyes, though he was obviously intrigued with the question.  

"Er…you're a bit too young right now--"

"Oh! I _know_!" Anthony cut in quickly, his face a dark red. "It's just…I can't even _think_ of how I could be ready for something like…_that_. A Potions' exam, sure, but…_you know_." Ron smiled knowingly and nodded. 

"I think," he said, his mind drifting back to his first time with Hermione. "It's when you're both mature enough to understand the commitment. Sex is…it's not just something to play around with; it's something that occurs between two people that love each other so much that they want to share _every_thing. 

"When you find that you're at that point with someone…_that's_ when you're ready. And you'll know, boys, I'm damn sure you'll know." He watched smiles slide onto their faces as they nodded, and Ron felt suddenly proud of how he was handling the situation.  

"Er…what about all those protection potions and spells…do we learn that in Hogwarts?" Anthony asked, looking less nervous than before. It looked like he was learning, not talking about sex in front of his brother and father. 

"You don't _really_ learn about them," Ron began, thinking about how he learned everything from his brother Bill. "But you can get the books you need from Flitwick or…er, Snape, I guess."

"_No way_!" Jacob moaned, covering his mouth. "Could you _imagine_ what Snape would say if we asked him something like that?" 

Anthony lifted up his chin and narrowed his eyes, hunching his back as he pointed a single finger at Jacob,

"And _why_ in the name of Merlin would _you_ need potions like _this_?" he said in a very accurate Snape-drawl. "Hasn't the female population of this school learned that Weasleys are…_Weasleys_? Two thousand points from Gryffindor because you're stupid and you're wasting my time!" 

Ron and Jacob laughed loudly while Anthony straightened up, blushing but laughing along with them. When they got over their fit of giggles, the curly-haired twin wiped a tear away and waved a hand at his father, indicating that he wanted to speak, but was not ready yet. 

"H-how do we get them _without_ asking a teacher?" Jacob asked, still shaking slightly. Ron knew he couldn't send his boys to Bill, so he built up some Gryffindor courage. 

"When you're ready," he said. "_And_ when _she's _ready, you can come to me for the spells and potions, and, maybe, some advice and…stuff…?" He blushed as the boys smirked, and then laughed when their amused faces turned disgusted. They must have realized where Ron's experience came from. 

"I have the most disturbing image in my head," Anthony said weakly, his eyes wide and staring into nothing. Jacob, on the other hand, looked revolted as he pressed the base of his hands into his eyes. 

"Make it stop! _Stop the burning_!" he yelled, shaking his head furiously. 

Ron laughed and stood up, leaving the room quietly as Anthony tried to shake his brother out of the shock he had been put in ("Open your eyes! It's okay!"). There was really nothing more to talk about, and if there was, he was almost sure that the boys would seek him out.  

The tallest and eldest redhead realized that he had been talking to his sons for a long time, because the house was now dark and Emily's room light was off. So, he made it to his bedroom, and found Hermione sitting up, reading in the light of their side table's lamp.

She looked up at his entrance and smiled softly, watching him cross the room and kick off his shoes. 

"How'd it go?" she asked, closing her book. Ron looked over to her a second before he pulled his shirt over his head with something of a triumphant expression. "Well, I'm guessing?"

"Ex_treme_ly well," he answered, finally into his pajamas. Hermione watched him carefully as he found his wand and left the room. She heard him tell Jacob to go to bed, and then two doors shut. A few moments later, Ron came back, a sly smile on his face. 

"What are you up to?" Hermione asked, getting excited for no reason. Ron shrugged casually and strolled to her side of the bed. He sat down, pushing her legs towards the center, and then leaned over her. The curly-haired woman tossed her book over the other side of the bed. 

"The boys asked me when I first knew you were the one," he said, then kissing her. It was short, and Hermione knew what game he was playing.

"Oh really? And what did you say?" she asked, kissing him again. 

"I said…" he said playfully, kissing her nose. "I noticed a _change_ in second year, and I knew for _sure_ in fourth year." 

"Ah," she said after he released her from another kiss. "Ol' Vicky Krum, eh?" 

Ron nodded, moving her over on the bed so that he could get on too, leaning over her upper torso. He stared at her face for a few minutes, looking pensive as he brushed some curls away and played with her ear. Hermione blushed slightly under his gaze, even though the look in his eyes had been hers for almost eighteen years. 

"Mmhmm," he finally responded, kissing her fiercely on the lips. Not that she minded, but she pulled away with a pant, looking at him expectantly. 

"What if one of the kids wakes up?" she asked as Ron jittered on top of her. He smiled as if he knew something she didn't; it was a smile rarely used. 

"I've already taken the liberty of locking their doors and sound proofing this room," he said as he moved her deeper into the bed.

"Well, aren't _you_ the prepared one!"

"Always and forever, my dear little know-it-all."

"_Ron_! You are _so_ lucky I love you."

"I know it."  


End file.
